You’ve met the woman of your dreams and now your relationship has progressed to include sex. You’re enjoying her touch and your arousal is high; she has welcomed you into her ‘garden of delight’ and ecstatic jolts of sexual energy are rocking your world. Suddenly, before you can stop it, your turn-on takes you over-the-top and you orgasm—ejaculating—and your sexual energy drains away. You experience post-ejaculation exhaustion and with it dread that you let her down. Your lover, who was just getting started, says she understands but her disappointment is apparent.
For many men premature ejaculation (PE) is a common experience that they battle with—trying not to “cum” too soon. Partners can be understanding—but when it happens often—premature ejaculation can have negative effects on a relationship.
For the men dealing with this issue, premature ejaculation affects their self-esteem and confidence; they can become moody or distant from their partner and may eventually lose the desire to attempt sex. Premature ejaculation can also promote insecurity, anxiety, and diminish a man’s zest and enjoyment of life.
Why does it happen?
There are several factors that affect premature ejaculation (cumming before you want to) which should be checked for their contribution to the issue. For some men it is just that they are inexperienced with sex or they are with a new partner or are not completely in control due to too much alcohol or other stimulants. Sometimes, if a man hasn’t had sex in a long while he may not be as able to control himself like he would otherwise. In addition, certain highly excitable sexual situations like new positions or fantasy fulfillment might put him over-the-top before he wants to.
On a psychological level a man may have established a pattern of hurried ejaculation due to masturbation habits or feelings of guilt about sexual encounters. Also, men who are anxious about getting or keeping an erection during sex may rush the experience and find they can’t reverse the momentum when their turn-on ramps up too quickly. General anxiety, whether or not about sex or relationship, can also contribute to the problem.
There are also biological causes that contribute to premature ejaculation. These can include:
- Abnormal hormone levels
- Abnormal levels of brain chemicals called neurotransmitters
- Certain thyroid problems
- Inflammation and infection of the prostate or urethra
- Inherited traits
- Nerve damage from surgery or trauma (rare)
What Can Be Done about premature ejaculation?
Each of the above factors should be checked by a qualified physician or therapist to rule out their contribution to premature ejaculation. Lowering stress and anxiety regarding sex and with relationship issues is also important. Where contributing causes are found, treatments are available which may include: psychological therapy, behavioral conditioning, or medical treatment.
A large number of men need only to modify behavior by learning new skills and awareness while managing their stress and anxiety better. In some more severe cases medications for anxiety or depression may help, but these will often have side effects that may complicate the condition. Consult a doctor for proper diagnosis and prescription of medical treatment.
Typical behavioral therapies include the “squeeze method” where pressure is placed on the base or head of the penis by grabbing and squeezing; the “start-stop method” where all sexual stimulation is stopped just before ejaculating and until the urge to ejaculate goes away. Another common method is to think “un-sexy” thoughts to distract the man from his excitement; some add that he should ‘pull out’ of the woman’s vagina during this period to avoid further stimulation. The act of pulling out however, may have the unintended effect of sending him over-the-top. Each of these methods is disruptive and has the side effect of diminishing sexual excitement and stopping whatever pleasurable experience of sex that is occurring.
What is a Reliable Solution?
Premature ejaculation happens when a man lacks voluntary control over ejaculation. It’s helpful to know what is happening inside the body with the ejaculation process.
A man’s body prepares to ejaculate by contracting the vas deferens tubes that transport sperm from the testes towards the base of the penis. Seminal vesicles release secretions that combine with the man’s sperm to make semen (the ejaculate); muscles at the base of the penis contract in short bursts forcing the semen out of the penis. Orgasm typically occurs with the ejaculation of semen but can occur without ejaculation.
For a method to be reliable it needs to be supported by greater awareness of the body and sexual excitement level. To be able to keep your “turn-on” and continue with lovemaking without disrupting the flow of the experience the method used to avoid ejaculation must work with the body and sexual energy, not against it. Clamping, gripping, squeezing, and contracting one’s muscles will inhibit the charge and flow of sexual energy that has been built up to that point. Typically, with the aforementioned methods that use such tactics there is a drop in energy that accompanies the severity of these actions. In addition, since the body uses short contractive muscle bursts to expel semen—using contraction or clenching to control these muscles has unreliable results—which is frustrating.
There is a much more reliable way to work with the body’s urge and physical mechanics to prevent ejaculation when a man wants to stay with the charge and flow of sexual energy.
Ejaculation Mastery with the “Gentle Draw”
I call the method that I teach the “Gentle Draw” in contrast to a widely circulated method known as the “Big Draw” taught by Mantak Chia. I believe my method is much more effective and consistent because it works with the body not against it—and it doesn’t contain any of the clenching, gritting, or contracting that the other method does.
Techniques like the Big Draw have you severely clench and contract your butt and pelvic muscles, grit your teeth, make fists and squeeze really tight. Can you imagine trying that while in lovemaking? It could easily be mistaken for having a seizure! Not to mention that trying this type of method interrupts the flow of energy, severely dampens it, and distracts your presence from being with the charge of sexual energy that you and your partner are creating and sharing. And besides, there’s just no need for such brutal and derailing tactics—especially when they aren’t consistently effective.
My “Gentle Draw” method works with your body not against it. You’ll know exactly what to do to avoid unwanted ejaculation and maintain the charge and flow of sexual energy you have built up and share with your partner.
The Wand of Light Program
I’ve put together a program that teaches my Gentle Draw method as well as an advanced understanding of sexual energy and how to promote outstanding numinous sexual experiences with your partner every time and anytime you want to. This is a method that I’ve used for 15 years as a Tantric adept and teacher of sacred sexuality and Tantra to hundreds of clients. The Wand of Light program is comprehensive—addressing the biological/physical aspects of ejaculation control as well as the energetic components of sexual engagement.
Having the ability to avoid ejaculation while experiencing high levels of excitement, passion, and orgasm leads to a question: Now What?
The Wand of Light program provides the answer to that question and shows you how to have outstanding numinous sexual experiences with your partner. You will understand how to connect “Tantrically” with your partner and create profound sexual experiences together.
More and more people are discovering spiritually enhanced sexual engagement (aka “Tantra”). If you’re a man, and you want to keep up with a woman’s inherent capacity for sensual pleasure and sustained sexual energy, you need to know how to manage your sexual energy and keep from “going over the top” before you want to. You’ll want to be able to hold off ejaculation for as long as you want to without losing the charge of sexual energy you are co-creating with your lover.
You can orgasm without ejaculation
You can enjoy sensual pleasure and spiritually-enhanced sex
for as long as you both want to go
If this Wand of Light program sounds right for you click on the link below. If you are a woman who would like her partner to know how to postpone his ejaculation and meet you in spiritually enhanced sexual engagement then send him this link and ask him to take this program.
Men can master their sexual energy and control their ejaculation so they can stay in the flow of sexual engagement with their lover as long as they want to. There’s no reason to struggle, worry, or severely contract your sexual energy or presence with your lover.
—Here’s to your sexual mastery and becoming the lover you were meant to be!
Sunyata Satchitananda is a Tantric adept and teacher of sacred sexuality and Transcendental Tantra™ as well as a certified sexual healer and counselor.
Further information resources: