Sunyata, I have a question for you about Yab Yum. I am short and weigh about 300 pounds. He is 5’9” and about 160, so I don’t know, could Yab Yum work?
Yes, Yab Yum could work, but only if it feels comfortable, stable, and safe for both partners. The size difference matters in a practical way, because both bodies need to be supported without pain, strain, or pressure on the knees, hips, back, or pelvis. So, the answer is not “yes” or “no” based only on body size. The real answer depends on how your two bodies fit together, how slowly you enter the position, and finding out what supports you.
Yab Yum is a beautiful way for a couple to connect and should never create pain for either partner.
When partners use Yab Yum to connect and harmonize, sitting together in this way can be used for long periods of eye-gazing and breathing together. So, making sure both bodies feel comfortable for an extended time is a must. There are also variations of the Yab Yum position, such as the man’s legs on top, or opposite leg on top, which can provide alternatives that may be more comfortable for some pairs of partners.
How to Get Into Yab Yum
Go slow. Yab Yum is an exposed and vulnerable position to climb into together. Regardless of who is on top, use care when landing on your partner’s lap.
One partner sits down, usually with legs crossed in lotus pose, and the other partner slowly lowers themselves onto the first partner’s lap. The second partner can brace themselves on the first partner’s shoulders, while the first partner reaches up to help guide the other partner down onto their lap.
A safer method of approaching the Yab Yum position is for both partners to first sit down facing each other, and then “scootch” or slide toward each other, carefully meeting with legs encircling each other. Next, the top partner gently climbs into the bottom partner’s lap, connecting at the 2nd Chakra, the genital center. If needed, slide a pillow or zafu meditation cushion under the top partner’s buttocks to help balance and relieve some weight from the bottom partner’s lap.
Pillows can also be used to support the knees of either partner and/or to support the back of either partner when these feel strained. Stack pillows, or use a backjack, or sit near a wall for support. Be extra careful with the knees, as the knee joint is exposed and has little lateral support. The knee can easily be injured if stressed, twisted, or overloaded.
If either partner feels pain, numbness, sharp pressure, breathing restriction, or instability, stop and adjust. Yab Yum should feel intimate and connected, not forced.
Yab Yum Connection
Everybody is proportionately different: longer or shorter, thicker or thinner, wider or narrower than another body. So, when sitting together in Yab Yum, sometimes it’s harder to get into the position and find a comfortable fit.
The variations of Yab Yum mentioned previously, such as the man’s legs on top, or opposite leg on top, should make it possible to find a more comfortable fit for most partners. Experiment and find what works for your unique pair.
For the question asked here, size may affect the comfort and safety of the position, but it does not automatically make Yab Yum impossible. The practical concerns are weight distribution, balance, pressure on the lap, and strain in the knees, hips, back, and pelvis. This is why pillows, cushions, slow movement, and honest communication matter.
Yab Yum Meditation Practice
Getting into the Yab Yum position as a couple is an excellent opportunity to perform a co-meditation practice together. As mentioned earlier, prolonged eye-gazing is an outstanding way to connect deeply as a couple, looking past the surface into the depths of each other’s soul and connecting at that deeper level.
This can be a profound experience for both partners and feel complete in itself. Try eye-gazing for more than 10 minutes. There seems to be a threshold that is passed after this time-length that shifts partners into a deeper consciousness and opens them through a doorway into a softer, gentler, expansive state of being.
Try to let your face relax. Soften your gaze. Let your eyesight go a bit fuzzy. Don’t worry if you start seeing double vision or if your partner’s face becomes blurry. In some cases, you may see what seems like your partner’s face changing or temporarily wearing “masks.” These can arise naturally as your psyche adjusts and relaxes through the process. Stay grounded, keep breathing, and let the experience pass through without trying too hard to interpret it.
*An enhancement for eye-gazing together is for each partner to place their right hand on the other partner’s heart center while eye-gazing. This creates a heart-to-heart circuit that amplifies the experience for both partners.
Another reason for connecting in Yab Yum is to run sexual energy together between partners. In the traditional Yab Yum position, couples connect to each other at the 2nd Chakra—the genital center. Next, lean forward and connect foreheads together at the 6th Chakra, the brow.
This sequence creates a subtle energy circuit that runs up the spine, crosses at the brow, and returns to the genitals in a large loop.
By visualizing this connected loop and circulating energy, partners can feel a warm, cocoon-like embrace of energy encapsulating them.
Doing this, it’s not unusual for partners to feel remarkable effects from the flowing energy, physically felt as tingling, goosebumps, or hair standing up along the spine, forehead, and genitals as erotic resonance vibrates and energizes the couple.
Use Your Breath
In Tantric practices, different types of breathing methods, called pranayama, are used to enhance and direct energy sensation and create desired outcomes. In the Yab Yum position, breath is coordinated to enhance coherence between partners.
Breath can also be used to “stoke” the fire of sexual energy. Fire Breath, or the Slope/Charging Breath, can be used to increase the magnitude of sexual energy between partners.
By first synchronizing your breath and energy together, partners enhance their coherence with each other. Afterward, by using Fire or Charging breaths, partners can amplify the sexual energy charge between them.
Sex Position
Yab Yum can also be used as a sex position with intercourse.
Genital penetration further enhances the Yab Yum experience and creates an even stronger charge of sexual energy circulating through the energy loop mentioned earlier. It also allows the hands to become actively involved with connecting, stimulating, and caressing each other while staying grounded together in the sitting position.
Be careful and watch for any strain on the back, legs, or knees when making sexual movements together.
A favorite enhancement of the Yab Yum sex position is to run your hands up and down the back of your partner and use your imagination to trace the undulations of sexual energy as it passes between partners. You can also make energetic connection between your palm chakras and your partner’s chakras along their back, from root to crown, activating the different characteristics of these chakras by enhancing the presence of erotic energy there.
Variations to the Yab Yum sex position will work here as well. One particular variation has been practiced for millennia by Tantric adepts in maithuna, or ritual meditative sex, known as the “X” position.
In this X position, both partners are connected in Yab Yum, but they lay backward supported by pillows while remaining in genital intercourse. This X position provides more room for movement, although the way the ancients practiced it, both partners remained still with the woman contracting her yoni muscles to “milk” the man’s lingam to help sustain his erection while the couple went into a deep meditative state.
Experiment with what fits and feels best for both of you, and find out which variations allow you the most access to your pleasure.
Use the Yab Yum position with your partner to connect deeply and establish coherence and erotic resonance. Then take it further into sexual intercourse pleasure if you so desire.
For more on Tantra, Sacred Sexuality, read this article:
Sacred sexuality and Tantra reveals how intimate union can become presence, reverence, prayer, and a doorway into spiritual communion
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